Theories of Relativity

Dylan sits on the floor in a stall in the library bathroom with no memory of how he got there. All he can remember is a phone call with Glen, during which he begged for money. Glen told him no, that Dylan owes him money already, and that Dylan needs to make decisions to help himself first.

When Dylan emerges from the stall, he sees Einstein sitting on one of the sinks. Dylan knows this is a hallucination. Einstein asks what Dylan is doing to himself. Dylan shrugs, and Einstein echoes Dylan’s earlier theory about shrugging as a response. They discuss what it’s like to be thinking all the time. Dylan asks how to make Einstein go away; Einstein responds that Dylan brought him, so Dylan must figure out how to make him leave.

Dylan tries to insult Einstein, telling him his theories suck. Dylan jokes about Einstein’s theory of relativity, making up his own theory of relativity: that all relatives suck. Einstein explains his theory on matter and energy and asks if Dylan matters to anyone. Dylan informs Einstein that black holes do exist because Dylan is being sucked into one right now.

Einstein asks why Dylan is so wrapped up in theories.